When my son was 4 ½, we used to sit on the back porch together, building small LEGO projects while my daughter napped. It was our time. I’d sit beside him, not just as a helper but as a quiet encourager—guiding when needed, pressing down pieces to secure them, and offering support when frustration crept in.
I trusted him. I trusted that he could handle the discomfort of not knowing yet. I didn’t jump in right away when he got stuck, even though sometimes I wanted to. Instead, I stayed nearby, calmly reminding him that he was capable.
One morning, I stepped inside to make lunch, leaving him to try something new: building his first solo LEGO project—an airplane. He looked nervous. “Mama, I don’t think I can do it,” he said.
I paused. I didn’t say, “Oh, you’ll be fine!” I didn’t try to brush his fear aside or convince him it wasn’t real. Instead, I told him:“You’ve never done this before, so of course it feels hard right now. That’s what happens when we try new things—our brain gets a little worried. But you can take it one page at a time. I’m here if you need me.”
And you know what? He went for it. I watched him from the kitchen, piece by piece, building the structure. By the time lunch was ready, he had finished the airplane all by himself. His face lit up with pride.
Then came the twist: he realized he’d made a mistake. A big one.
In the past, this might have brought tears or frustration too big for him to manage. But not that day. He took the plane apart, fixed the error, and kept going. I’ll never forget the look on his face—this quiet awe at what he’d just done, this spark of belief in himself.
How We’ve Built a Growth Mindset Culture in Our Home
Fast forward to today: my son is 9, patiently building LEGO sets meant for adults—hundreds of pages of instructions, thousands of tiny pieces. He enjoys the process. He approaches it with care, determination, and patience, one piece at a time.
But this mindset didn’t happen overnight. It’s something we’ve been cultivating for years, brick by brick, through the way we parent, the way we talk, and the space we create for growth. Here are some of the ways we’ve intentionally built a growth mindset culture in our home:
Normalize Discomfort and Frustration
Learning something new is uncomfortable. It just is. And sometimes, our nervous system reacts to that discomfort as though it’s dangerous because the unknown can feel scary.
We talk about this a lot in our family. We name the feelings, so they don’t feel so overwhelming:
“It’s normal to feel frustrated—that’s how we know we’re growing.”
“This feels hard right now because your brain is learning something new.”
“You’re out of your comfort zone, and that’s okay. You’re safe, and you can do this.”
Helping my kids sit with that discomfort, instead of rescuing them from it, has been one of the most powerful gifts I can give them.
Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcomes
In our home, we try to shift the focus from what our kids achieve to how they got there. Instead of “Good job!” we might say:
“Wow, you put so much thought into this.”
“I noticed you kept trying, even when it was tricky. That takes courage.”
“Thank you for working so hard on this—it makes such a difference!”
This helps them value their own effort and problem-solving, rather than seeking validation from others.
Encourage Curiosity and Exploration
When my kids run into a challenge, my instinct is to jump in and fix it. But I’ve learned to step back and ask questions instead.
“What do you think would happen if…?”
“How could you figure this out?”
“What’s your plan for the next step?”
These small shifts in language give them the space to think, problem-solve, and trust their own abilities.
Reframe Mistakes as Opportunities
In our family, mistakes aren’t failures—they’re learning moments. When things don’t go as planned, we say:
“What can we learn from this?”
“Mistakes are how our brain gets stronger!”
“What would you try differently next time?”
I’ll often share my own mistakes, too, so they see that messing up isn’t something to fear—it’s just part of life.
Model Growth Mindset
Let me tell you, as a recovering perfectionist, this has been a journey for me. But I want my kids to see that growth doesn’t stop in adulthood.
When I’m trying something new, I say things like:
“I don’t know how to do this—yet. But I’m going to figure it out.”
“This is really hard for me, but I’m going to keep trying.”
“I’m learning, and it feels uncomfortable, but that’s okay.”
They see me make mistakes. They see me try again. And they see that it’s okay not to have all the answers.
Reflect and Celebrate
We’ve created a “Jar of Awesome” in our house. Whenever someone works hard or overcomes a challenge, we write it down and add it to the jar. It’s a way to pause, reflect, and celebrate effort.
I also make it a point to remind my kids of how far they’ve come:
“Remember how hard this was when you started? Look what you’ve accomplished now!”
“You trusted yourself and kept going—and you did it.”
These reflections help them internalize their growth and believe in their own ability to overcome hard things.
Cultivate a Team Mindset
Growth mindset isn’t just something for the kids—it’s something we practice together. We cheer each other on, share our struggles, and celebrate each other’s wins.
Why It Matters
That morning on the porch wasn’t just about building a LEGO airplane. It was about building something inside my son—a belief in himself, a trust that he could do hard things, and the courage to keep going, even when it felt uncomfortable.
And now, I see that belief growing in my daughter, too. She watches her brother work through challenges and takes on her own with the same determination.
This is the beauty of a growth mindset. It starts with small moments—like a LEGO project on the back porch—and ripples outward. It teaches our kids to approach life with curiosity, resilience, and the confidence to embrace the words “not yet.”
Reflection for You
What’s one way you can foster a growth mindset in your family this week? Maybe it’s stepping back when your child is struggling, celebrating their effort instead of the outcome, or modeling “not yet” for yourself as you try something new.
I’d love to hear—what’s your “not yet” story?
Want to Help Your Child Build a Growth Mindset? 🌱
Download my FREE Growth Mindset Poster—a simple, encouraging reminder to help kids embrace challenges, persist through frustration, and believe in their ability to grow.
Hang it up in your home or classroom and support your child’s journey of learning, resilience, and confidence.
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